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What is the "fatigue" like in "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome"?
It's not one thing. These are what I have identified as the "fatigues" of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome -- and if I think of any more descriptions, I'll add them! I feel every one of these, almost every day. Want to call this thing chronic fatigue syndrome? Then let's talk fatigue.
Achey fatigue. Every muscle feels overused. Just lie there aching.
Heavy fatigue. My arms and legs feel heavy. Not fat heavy. Like cast iron. Like a cartoon, as if my body would leave an imprint where I was sitting or lying. Like sitting in the space capsule while the rocket takes off. heavy.
The pause. Can't move. Everything stops. There's the conscious pause, when I want to reach out and get a glass of water and I can't; and there's the unconscious pause, where it just ... stops. I realize I have been staring at the same thing for ... I have no idea how long. There's even the standing pause (real weird) - go in the kitchen to get something, then stop. Come out of it, don't know what I was going to get or which direction I was supposed to be going in.
3 a.m. in the morning fatigue. It's 3 in the morning. The baby is crying. You have to get up. You have just not had enough sleep. You want nothing except to lie down and go back to sleep. Your eyes are scratchy. Your head is stuffed with cotton. It's 3 p.m. for everybody else, but it's always 3 a.m for us.
"I want to sleep and I can't" fatigue. Rather speaks for itself.
"I can't stay awake" fatigue. New one for me. Happened for the first time this summer when I went to Denver, and I think the high altitude did it. I spent two days drifting in and out of consciousness.
Exhaustion fatigue. I can't. I can't go on. I can't walk another step. I have to. I can't. How am I going to make it up the stairs into bed? I don't know. This is hell. Keep going. One foot in front of the other keep going. youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit. Exhaustion.
All of the above. That's what the "fatigue" in "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" is like.
Mary Schweitzer, Copyright © 1998
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